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Saturday, January 30th, 2010
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2:57 pm
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OK. I am astounded by my lack of anything to write about. I hadn't consciously realized how small my world had been getting. I may have to resort to posting quotes and jokes, at this rate.
Those of you who are still here posting and who so graciously welcomed me back, I am very appreciative (you know who you are). Curiosity is pulling me to go back into your journals and try to catch up on your lives a bit. There has apparently been marriages, births, big geographic moves and all manner of goings on! Congrats to all who who had very special days and events.
Now what shall I do about getting some of that back into my life? I honestly don't know how I could have gotten so very off track, off any track at all. It is time to rejoin the rest of the human race.
I think I shall start by getting a treadmill. Though I seem to feel tied to my particular part of the country, I do hate cold weather, and thus get almost no exercise except during the summer months when I enjoy outdoor walking. My vitamin D tested low (surprise surprise), so maybe if I at least get regular treadmill exercise into my routine, I might be able to raise my tolerance to the cold and get out into the sun more. Meanwhile, pounding the supplemental D. Since my tolerance to antidepressants is so low, my only real recourse is with diet, exercise, light and getting some more social stimulation (of the positive sort) into my days.
We still have Maggie-dog and a 75 gallon freshwater aquarium. We think she is about 7 years old now. She has calmed down some, thankfully, but has retained a great sense of puppyish playfulness that appears fairly often. And all almost 70 pounds of her still spends a lot of lap time. I guess I find it to be too engaging and sweet a behavior to train her off our laps.
Intention (before next post): choose a treadmill model to purchase. I plan to post an intention at the end of each entry. (feel free to hold me accountable!!!!!)
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| Sunday, February 10th, 2008
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8:57 pm
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I was asked what acupuncture is like, and decided to post my answer.
My best guess is that acupuncture is experienced very differently from one person to the next. My own experiences with it have also differed quite dramatically depending on whom I go to for the treatments.
I have received treatments from four providers, and tend to seek it out when I am feeling particularly "stuck" in life...spiritually, physically, or emotionally. My first experience was with a woman who used a Japanese approach, and also used herbal medicines, my second and third providers both were men who used a Chinese approach, and I am now seeing a woman who uses the Japanese approach.
Many people seem to experience almost no pain at all with the needles. Someone once said to me that at worst it felt a bit like a hot drop of wax to him. Often I don't even know when a needle has been inserted, but in general I think I tend to be more sensitive to pain than most, so occasionally a needle will hurt me, sometimes it will feel like a twinge, sometimes like a dull ache. The Japanese approach seems to me to be much gentler, much less apt to be unpleasant. With it, if there is any pain it either disappears almost instantly or the provider moves the needle for me until it doesn't hurt. Sometimes the needle isn't uncomfortable at all, but after a little while I will begin to feel sensation there, sometimes sort of achey, sometimes sort of lightly pulsating, sometimes twitchy, and she has explained to me that when a sensation arises after a needle has been comfortably in there for a while, it is probably Qi moving, which is obviously desirable.
The Chinese style providers I've seen tended to spend more time very carefully marking out the spots where the needles will go. The Japanese style providers do less of that and spend maybe 10 or 15 minutes just talking quietly with you and gathering her impressions of what kind of treatment you currently need, then has you lie on a massage table in a nice warm room sometimes with some soft music; she inserts the needles and then once she is sure you are comfortable leaves you alone to rest quietly for maybe 20 minutes, and then sometimes does a second similar treatment and rest period.
Apparently some people experience clearly felt results from treatments, like maybe more relaxation, or more clarity in thinking, or pain relief, etc. I seldom feel anything very focused, but rather tend to experience much more subtle things like a shift, over time, in how I respond to and cope with life. I have had one very dramatic experience though, when after 16 days of uterine bleeding (I'm entering into menopause and apparently this can happen), she stopped it immediately with needles to my big toes (they actually did hurt, but only briefly). My husband had only one acupuncture treatment ever, and he experienced some pretty dramatic pain relief in his "problem" knee (old athletic injury).
I mostly don't look for specific fix-it type sessions though. I think of it more as a slow, careful tune-up over time, a sort of rebalancing and rejuvenating kind of experience, something that gets me operating more efficiently on many different levels. The things I've noticed are that I laugh more often, I seem less fearful of things and people, I'm paying more attention to my body signals and wanting to eat less of what is bad for me and more of what is good for me, getting to sleep earlier, and I seem to be going through some sort of spiritual awakening that just feels good in general. For me, being in treatment recently sort of feels like getting my rough edges smoothed down a little, like becoming a piece of beach glass as opposed to something you get sliced and diced by when you step on it.
So that's my acupuncture story.
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| Saturday, February 9th, 2008
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12:35 am
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I still haven't been here enough to catch up with my friends page, or to write much, but I have LJ in the back of my mind a lot lately. I think that I am traversing strange psychological territory and so haven't figured out yet how to write about it. I feel a bit like a different person than I was when I was blogging more regularly, and so I'm not even sure what my writing will sound like to myself. Thus, a little hesitancy to try it, I guess. I'm also feeling like I might want to change the focus from just a personal journal to a blog that is a little more local and community or issue-oriented, but that scares me a little.
I've been reading about Buddhism, from a book called The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chodron. It really resonates with me at a deeper level than such readings ever have before for me. I've also been getting weekly acupuncture and some occasional massage and monthly chiropractic adjustments. All of these experiences seem to be folding into each other in a very synergistic way, to create in me a different outlook on life, and a kind of a different way of being in life, if anyone can make sense of that. I feel as if I'm a slightly different being, and so I'm not quite sure how to present myself in the world, or with friends, or even here. Tentative. Unfamiliar. A little shaky. Almost like being in love, but not quite the same.
I am doing a lot of reading, and am very excited about a book I have just ordered, called Mycelium Running by Paul Stamet. Fungi. Smart fungi. Possibly even protective fungi. Fungi that could even help save us from ourselves, or at the least be our teacher, if only we will honor the need to learn. I've also recently reread Derrick Jensen's A Language Older Than Words. I so wish that I could give a copy to everyone I meet. So far, I have a lending list for my copy. I've begun another of his called Endgame. He has more courage than just about any other environmentalist I've read. He looks hard at what horrifies most of us, or should do so if only we would't live in such denial. But he also writes beautifully, lovingly.
I rewrote my bio. and my list of "likes" tonight for my LJ profile. That is a hard thing to do. Sleepy now. Meditation and bed.
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| Saturday, December 8th, 2007
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6:09 pm - Not so injured.
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Just a quick few words. I spent two hours (yes, I know, too much) re-doing my profile page, to better reflect me here and now, and then it went poof! on me. I don't even know how. Oh, well, tomorrow is another day.
Anyhow, I wanted to say that I didn't mean to create the impression that I am still suffering from back pain, because it is actually in wonderful shape (aside from when I get temporarily tensed up over something, and even then that is easily fixed with stretching, relaxation, and the wonderful chiropractor and massage therapist I have found. Actually, everything that is happening to me right now is very, very good. Emotionally I am working on some issues that are a little hard and scary to deal with, but the relief of getting at them is palpable and freeing. I am experiencing healing on many levels at the same time, and I suppose there is no better time to work with a wounded inner self than in the dead of winter, so that come spring...I'll be tender and new and happy to reach for the sun again. It is so gratifying to hear from all of you (I am smiling), and now will go and start to catch up on my dear LJ Friends.
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| Thursday, December 6th, 2007
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11:06 am - Injured list.
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It's been 83 weeks since I even looked at my journal, and really more like four years since I've written much of anything. I'm not sure why I stopped writing, nor am I sure why I'm trying to establish the habit again, but I think it has to do with being in a personal sort of crisis/growth spurt mode. You know, those things that happen every dozen or so years to you, whether you want them/need them to or not.
In July I hurt my back. I had picked up and was carrying a very large rock--probably about 70 pounds--from one place in my garden to another. Though it was a struggle, I wanted it moved, and as per usual I wanted it moved right then and didn't attempt to get any help. I got to the spot where I wanted it to live, then dropped it. I had carried it carefully, used a protective stance, and while it was a struggle, I hadn't felt that I was causing any harm to my back. Then, I swung it forward a little so that it would clear my feet and suddenly dropped it into it's place. The dropping of the burden nearly killed me. I felt something slide out of place in my lower back, then in the instant that I started to straighten up I went into sudden and blinding pain. Anyone who has ever done this to themselves will be familiar with what came next; immobility for what seems like forever while you pray that someone will come along to help yet too much pain to call for anyone, then slowly making it to a crawling position, and after what seems like an eternity finally getting to a point where you can somehow summon some help. The closest thing to me was a chain link fence and I used that to finally get myself into a semi-erect position so that I could then half-crawl, half-shuffle across the driveway to the side door and ring the doorbell. Thankfully, (hubby) heard it and came to help.
So now I am regularly seeing a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, a massage therapist, a wholistic physician, an energy worker, and have just begun to see a Gestalt-based psychotherapist who also does energy work. Probably too many things at once, and I am about to whittle down a little, but I had reached a point of desperation in my life, and that rock was as clear a metaphor for what I needed to do as one could have imagined. I'd been carrying a terrific burden alone and for a long time, was used to the strain and the isolation. Dropping it was my undoing. I couldn't function in the same way anymore.
So, I am in process. I don't know what will emerge yet, but I have some idea that I will be a more whole, more connected, less frightened and angry human being. I am not so sure about my marriage. I have some hope that we can salvage what has become a very broken way of being together, but I just don't know if we can make it to be healthy one or not. I do know that I am trying, but that we shouldn't continue with it if it is to be at the expense of ourselves, which it has been previously. I think most people are pulling for us, and that is helpful.
We are now rodent-free. After ten years of "owning" rats and guinea pigs, they have all died. I can't tell you what a hole it leaves in our psyche, but I also couldn't possibly tell of the love, the blessedness, the beauty and the richness that these little creatures brought to us. We still have Maggie-dog, and she is well, but not nearly as interesting as a rodent. We will not get more little furries though, as it is now clear to me that they had indeed been affecting my respiratory status more than I knew, as I have now been able to cut way down on allergy/asthma/COPD meds.
I am reading. Derrick Jensen, Annie Dillard, historical biography, Jared Diamond, Emerson's writings, some history, economic and political writing. What I have not been doing is any kind of writing, and now this entry feels very awkward, stilted, rusty.
If anyone from my old friends list is reading, I thank you for comments you made each time I made a stab at coming back to LJ. I haven't been good about keeping in touch with anyoneon or off LJ, seldom check e-mail anymore, and hardly deserve your interest, but do nevertheless treasure it. If you have made it to the end of this, well, I don't quite know what to say. I haven't yet gone to read up on any of my old friends list, so I will just say that I hope you are all well. I think of many of you from time to time when something in life reminds of the way you express yourself, or even when I see news or weather reports that I think might be affecting some of you. Oh, and I have some more fish stories to share, soon.
PS I tried to make a cut and didn't get it right. Sorry. Still nearly computer-illiterate.
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| Friday, April 21st, 2006
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2:42 am
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You all must be in a different time zone. Its 2 in the morning here! Its so nice to get such instant feedback, though!
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12:29 am - Rip Van Winkle awakes.
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I haven't posted since last October, and then several people responded and said hi, and I promptly ignored them, and didn't post again. All I can say is that I was an idiot. A very depressed idiot. I am sorry, to anyone who bothered to say hello, and then didn't hear anything back from me.
Actually, the post I made just before that one was supposed to go to the fish community, but I somehow managed to get it into my regular journal. I think you all had already heard my loach story. Sorry about that repetition.
I don't know what to say about this winter, except that I slept. And slept, and slept, and slept. Sometimes 20 hours a day, but always at least 12 hours a day. I suppose it is depression, but I have also developed some iron deficiency and am wondering if that, and approaching menopause, might have something to do with it.
I'm finally beginning to emerge from my bedroom "cave" though, and get in a little walking and outdoor activity. Cleaned up the yard and washed all the winters' detritus out of the driveway. The snowdrops have come and gone, and I have a few daffodils and grape hyacinths blooming, and some iris and other unidentified bulbs getting ready to bloom, and one lone little brave tulip making a stand. The tree leaves have just started poking out and greening up in the last 3 or 4 days. Its been very dry, though. I've already watered everything once, and think I'll need to again tomorrow.
A few weeks ago, I had a sudden and very severe allergic reaction that nearly did me in. I was so constricted that I couldn't even get my emergency albuterol into my lungs for about 10 very long gasp-y minutes. If I hadn't had it close at hand (which I had gotten very sloppy about), I would never have made it to the hospital. So, that was exciting, but by no means fun.
So, I'm going to try to write again regularly, and renew my membership. I hope that any of you who may have kept me on your list are well, and had a good winter, and are having a good spring. I probably won't go back too far to try and catch up, but just start reading from here.
So ends the first springtime 2006 flora and fauna report. Well, flora anyway. Maybe I'll do fauna tomorrow.
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| Thursday, October 6th, 2005
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10:51 am
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Gee, I haven't been here in a long time, I guess. Even the "update journal" page has altogether changed.
I wish I had news, but not much happening really.
My in-laws are here for at least a week. That is not a good thing, even for hubby.
Maggie-dog continues to be very puppy-ish, which is sometimes good and sometimes not so.
We've moved into our upstairs apartment, which has a nice front porch with swings. I love swings.
Lots of garden stuff died this summer, as I found the heat too oppressive to even go out and water stuff. Today is a glorious day, though much coldness is expected tomorrow.
We are about to embark on yet more house-fixing projects. We've had two separate leaks since fixing the roof. A complete tear-down for 13 k should not leak under just about any circumstances, but Rita managed to pour water through the roof for two days into our bucket. We think we have it fixed now though. *Knocks on glass desk and pretends it is wood.*
OK, need to get outside now for the last of the unseasonable warmth and sunshine. I haven't read journals in a long time, so hope you all are well. I hope to begin to catch up, and to write more often, am feeling almost like it is a very foreign thing to try to think in terms of print.
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| Monday, May 2nd, 2005
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12:43 pm
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I just wrote this as a comment to someone else's post, a question about fish intelligence. I decided it might make a good post on its own, so here it is:
I have a weather loach. I am completely convinced that he deliberately tried to help out a dying betta. The betta was weakening, and couldn't get all the way from the bottom of the tank to the top for gulps of air as often as he needed to, so the loach began perching on top of the apparatus that holds the heater, near the top of the tank, so that the betta could then lie on top of him and just raise his head a bit each time he needed air. Until the betta got sick, I had never seen my loach perch there, but he did it for weeks while the betta failed, and then never did it again after the betta died. It was plain and simple compassion and emotional attachment, I do believe.
This loach also loves to be petted, and to suck on your fingertip. I finally got him another loach, and they clearly love each other, cuddling and playing and swimming together all the time, and my current betta also likes to hang with them.
I also have a synodontis who talks...well...actually it is more like a fishy shriek, whenever my rainbow shark gets too close to his territory. They have a fishy tussle, and I always know when it is happening, because I can hear the noises he makes from nearly any room in the house. Mostly they coexist peacefully, but sometimes the shark starts nosing around too close to the synodontis' cave, and then the synodontis lets him have it.
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| Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
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9:48 pm - First snowdrops.
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It is unseasonably warm here in Buffalo lately. Just today I saw someone out with a hoe digging a little trench and spreading seeds. In this neck of the woods, that is truly living recklessly. We don't plant here until May, and even then the snow can fly.
The snowdrops are blooming. They come up out of nowhere; they weren't there Saturday and then they were there Sunday. How can that happen? Every spring I write the same thing; but every spring they knock me off my feet with beauty.
We have guests tonight. Of the five of us here, I am the only one who doesn't play music. We had dinner and a few beers, some cherry pie and now they are all making music. I guess you could say I am playing keyboard (and finding it very difficult to type while such steady rhythms are going on).
It was a cold winter here, but without too much snow, just enough to keep up with. The last of the huge icy parking lot piles of it are melting away into the manholes. Snakey-looking streams of dirty meltwater that you see out of the corner of your eye and think "where is all that water coming from" and then you look around and see a dirty little snowy remnant of what was once a staggering mountain of clean white coldness that made you feel dwarfed when you parked next to it. Today was almost short-sleeve weather, and it is dry and dusty and dirty everywhere, so those snow piles seem surprising when you actually notice them.
Well, I felt as though I'd be able to find a lot to write about when I sat down, but now I am twiddling my thumbs here, so maybe I'll wrap it up.
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| Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
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1:43 pm
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The sun is shining, but is was only 14 degrees F. when I went out this morning at about 10:00. Day before yesterday, or was it yesterday, was nearly 50.
I have an electrician in the house. I'd have guessed that he is about age 20. Turns out he is in his thirties, married, and has owned a home for 11 years. I am geting older, and everyone else looks younger. Apparently though, he regularly gets carded, so it is not just me, this time.
I bought a red-currant bush last summer, never got it in the ground, and then let it dry up so badly that I thought it was dead. Just in case, I brought it in, in the fall, and gave it a few cups of water now and then, and voila, it is now leafing out. Lucky. That's what I'll name that bush. Currantly lucky. (sorry sorry)
We've had a lot of stupid bureaucratic sorts of messess to deal with lately, plus T. is dealing with a new colleague who is particularly driving him nuts, and it is enough to have made us talk about a winter vacation. Next year, I think we are definitely going to have to do that, and should have this year. Would have, if the kitchen had been done.
I just passed by the one year "anniversary" of my father's death. It was not an easy or a happy time. I think things will be easier from now on, though I can still, on occasion miss him dreadfully, especially when I see some old codger who reminds me of him.
I thought I had lots I could write about, but just realized that most of it is crap you wouldn't want to hear, nor would I want to write it down (stuff like getting the wrong kitchen cabinets, etc.). We really do need to do something fun, soon, to break the crap cycle. Hmmmmmm...must come up with something. Think.
I'll waste no more time here on this entry. Thank goodness the sun is shining or I'd have depressed myself.
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| Friday, February 18th, 2005
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11:53 pm
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Never mind my helpless last post. I figured out what was wrong, and it wasn't anything I did.
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11:43 pm
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Shoot. My friends page just became about a mile wide. Did I do that with my last enty somehow? Can I fix it?
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10:29 pm - Synchronicity, the kitchen sink, climate, loachy love, and stupid pain.
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We just came back from the art gallery. Sad to say, I haven't been there in years, but have now remedied that with a brand spanking new membership, which entitled us to get in free to an O'Keefe exhibit tonight, which I hadn't planned on doing, but it was a nice extra.
What really got me here to the computer though, was wanting to write about the odd little thing that just happened. Yesterday, I did a lot of driving around for errands. For some unknown reason, I found myself thinking about Brer Rabbit, and couldn't get "him" out of my mind for the longest time. Well, tonight just before we left the gallery, I said to T., "just let me go down one more hallway here, I'll be quick", and guess what jumped right out at me as I did...a work titled Brother Rabbit. I was so astonished I don't even remember the artist or the medium. Life is just so weird sometimes.
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I made my very first purchase on ebay. I was scared to death. It was...yes...the kitchen sink. I ordered the kitchen sink for our remodeling project, which has, by the way, suffered a huge setback timewise. We finally managed to get all the electical, plumbing, drywall, painting, etc., done, and then brought out the first of the cabinets we had ordered from Home Depot months ago (they've been sitting in our garage for months, awaiting installation). They were the right style, but wrong color. Way wrong. Way, way wrong. So we had to order the whole shebang (etiology?) all over again. Their mistake, but I don't know if that will get us the right cabinets any quicker. Oh, well. Worse could happen.
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It is friggin cold out. I got my face all windburned just doing a short walk yesterday. Cold, and windy. Snow mostly gone though, for now.
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My weather loach and my dojo loach have taken to sleeping on top of each other in the aquarium. I do believe that they love each other. And sometimes the red betta hangs out with them as well.
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I have developed plantar fasciitis. It hurts. For no apparent reason. Just hurts.
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That's the news from Lake Erie.
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| Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
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11:53 am - Anniversaries and weather.
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The sun is blazing, and it is only 1 degree F. out there. Last week we had a day that spiked a high of 68 F and a low in the 20's F. It is sparkly and pretty out there, but somehow it manages to look cold, even if I were to have no clue what the temperature is. The air somehow "looks" different.
Two electicians are in my kitchen and basement today. When they are done, we will finally be able to put up drywall and then install the cabinets, flooring, and light fixtures, and get the appliances out of our living space and back into the kitchen. I don't adjust well to all this having others in my space, and having things in inconvenient places, etc. We ought to do the right thing and plaster, but are taking the easier way out and putting up drywall.
My god my keyboard is a disgusting mess (as I stare at it while trying to think of something to enter).
I got past my dad's birthday, which just would have been last week. It was a hard day, and sad. Now to get through the "anniversary" of his death, at the end of February. I can't believe that this much time has passed, that he has spent this much time "in the marble orchard", as he would have put it. Sometimes I am torn between laughing and crying when I remember him, which is, I suppose, fortunate.
My LJ friend: Amiss bought me a paid account, for which I am truly grateful, as I have been sadly negligent in contributing to LJ the last few years. I don't know why she is so good to me (my Christmas present to her and Sparky still sits on my desk), but I am glad she is so thoughtful and generous.
My LJ reading has been very sporadic for a while now, but I do try to go back and catch up on everyone every week or so. If I miss anything important, that I should respond to, please forgive me. I hope to get back to being more regular, as a reader and writer, but right now I guess I am just focused on getting through a number of dates like those I already mentioned, and I'm doing whatever gets me through the easiest, which doesn't seem to include much writing, but I am certain I will get back to the habit.
Stay warm. And dry.
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| Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
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3:50 pm - Rather vapid, but at least an entry.
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It is snowing those really big, slow, beautiful sort of flakes, and dusk is approaching, and it is just so beautiful outside my window right now, even though it is a streetscape instead of a snowy woods or field.
Time to turn the tree lights on.
T. put his back out yesterday. This hasn't happened in a few years, but can get really bad when it goes. My massage helped only a little, ice seemed to make it worse (so he reported to me). He's not home from work yet, so don't know how he has fared today.
Maggie absconded with a stuffed snowman that I had to take away from her. It was filled with beans or some such thing that would have made a mess the moment she ripped the seams. She seemed so proud of having found a new toy all on her own, rather than having one from the pet store produced for her out of my plasic shopping bag, as is usually the case. Of course, I just got her a new one last week, but she will not touch it. It looks so interesting, I don't see how she can resist, and it was also meant to clean her teeth and gums. I'll leave it out for her, this lumpy and spiky thing, in case she decides to try it, but only until one of us steps on it in the dark some night. Then what, put it out in the back for the rabbitts to chew on?
Hmmmmm. Not a thing more to say, I guess. What a spectacular life I lead.
Oh, I did see a double rainbow last week. That was cool.
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2:19 pm
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| Sunday, November 21st, 2004
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11:47 am
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Going on vacation. Nothing big, just spending a week in the small town near where I grew up, and visiting the family farm that my brother now keeps. Low-key, low-budget time off.
Have a good turkey day (or whatever you may eat if you have a special meal on Thursday).
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| Friday, November 12th, 2004
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11:13 am - Behind in my LJ.
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I've been away from the computer for a while, as we are now renovating our kitchen. This turned into a much bigger project than expected, and so we have temporarily moved upstairs, where there is an operating kitchen, a dust-free bedroom, etc. The upstairs apartment was not rented yet, so maybe we actually did unconsciously expect to need it. We thought we had drywall in our kitchen, and that taking out the old cupboards and putting in the new would not need much work. However, it is plaster, and it is all coming off the walls with the cupboards and making a god-awful mess. The whole room will need to be drywalled, even the ceiling. At least, with the walls open, it will be easy to add some electrical outlets. I still don't think the house purchase was a mistake, but T. does, so he isn't very happy about any of this work. Anyway, the point was, that the computer has to stay in the cold downstairs apartment, as we have no connection upstairs, so my ability to keep up with LJ will be limited for a while (we have dial-up).
I've lost two of my favorite catfish, and I think it is due to a faulty heater. I suspected as much shortly after I bought it, but now with the cold weather, it is apparent that it is faulty. I feel bad. May Farlowella and Upside down fish RIP.
T. is stuck downtown on jury duty today, and is not happy about that either. He gets called on constantly, it seems, even before he is bound to serve again, so he has to dig out his paperwork and prove that he did serve just a few years ago. Except this time, it actually has been the amount of time so he needs to go back.
I am not very articulate today. Now that I think about it, I've had that problem in the last few posts I've made. Maybe best to "sign off" and go read up on you all now.
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| Thursday, November 4th, 2004
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4:39 pm - Failure of the democrats?
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http://blackcommentator.org/107/107_freedom_rider_nov_3.html
Someone on my friends list, as he so often does, brought this link to my attention. It is an essay that happens to echo very much what I have been thinking about the democratic party, and about the media, for quite some time now.
Incidentally, I really believe that if Kerry had shunned all his handlers and pollsters, etc., and campaigned in the manner in which he spoke when he conceded, he would have won handily. He was so obviously being told to walk like, talk like Bush in many respects. He was much too easily manipulated, I think ( but then, look what was at stake). Still, in my mind the end never justifies the means, and he should have spoken from, and acted from the heart and his own convictions, and used his own judgement. Clearly, he would then have offered the country something different. "Professionals", so often seem to lead us down a path of ruin, waste, and profligacy. People need to stand up and say enough...go get a real job, and let me do mine. He'd have won, if he had stood on his own two feet, I think. Bush intuitively knows how to be himself, and it served him well.
Mothers instinctively know that when a child has been hurt, or is afraid, they must be totally reassuring, they must completely convince their child that everything will be fine. We seem to be a nation of frightened children, and simply addressing issues was not enough, apparently. We needed to be coddled, crooned to, and told that all bullies would be vanquished, nevermore to bother us. It has always baffled me that women seem to raise exactly the kind of men that I so often think we could do without. Perhaps that is why - we take the short cut, to keep them from crying. We tell them there is nothing to be afraid of, when indeed there is. The world, life itself, is dangerous. No matter what you do, you don't get out alive. A botched war is dangerous. Mangled democracy is dangerous. Most of all, concentrated wealth and power is dangerous. Clearly though, we went with the candidate who scoffs at danger, and let the one who understands it get away. If only the one who got away had been just a little more himself, I can't help but wonder if we would have elected him, rolled up our sleeves, and muddled through to have built a slightly less dangerous, and more compassionate world.
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